The Healthy, Selfless Act of Putting Ourselves First
Taking care of ourselves is the opposite of being selfish, as it strengthens us and enables us to support our loved ones better. We are no use to anyone if our energy is depleted because we have given every last bit of it away. Self-care is an antidote to stress, as it builds resilience so we can better cope with challenges. Just think how they tell us to put on our oxygen mask first on an airplane before we help others. Yes, absolutely support others, but nurture yourself first. But people have to learn their own lessons in life, however painful that is. Who are you to decide that you know what is right for them?
This has been a hard truth for me to face, as I always thought I was being nice and caring. I have an overwhelming desire to help, and have tried on numerous occasions, but I now realize that they have to want to change.
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By rescuing them every time, out of what we believe is love, the rest of the family are enabling this person to stay feeling helpless, and we are burning ourselves out with stress. When we give from this place, we give too much, because we believe we have to die for that person and other such dramatic statements. Instead of spending our every waking hour thinking about that other person and forgetting ourselves, we and our partners!
We teach people how to treat us by our own actions and attitude toward ourselves. By putting signs out there that you are a rescuer and will sacrifice yourself to help others , you attract the sort of people who want to be rescued and for whom it has to be all about them—not a balanced relationship. Then, you have made it a self-fulfilling prophecy, by effectively bringing about what you always complain that you attract: people who take advantage of your good nature.
Here, it is useful to question whether they have really taken everything we have or if we have voluntarily given it all to them. We only have control over our own actions, so what part did we play? Also, although this can be hard to hear, there is always a pay-off for us.
Love: is it really all about putting someone else before you? – Brook
Take a long hard look now…. While we might believe that our actions are purely altruistic and caring, are we actually expecting something in return? Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that we think others are worth more than us. If we are confident in our love for ourselves and treat ourselves as if we are worthy, then that is what we will attract back. Self-care is essential for us all, but looks different from person to person. We are all individuals with different preferences. Listen to your inner voice to find out what makes you content. Below is my own personal list of self-care practices.
I hope it gives you some inspiration for ways to take care of yourself. Setting healthy boundaries— saying no more often. Being grateful—starting each day with at least three things I am thankful for. Focusing on myself and prioritizing my needs —not focusing on the lives of others. You cannot have a clear and committed relationship with your Money Honey while you still have a monster in the room. Here are 3 principles that you can can put into action immediately to make more money by putting love first:.
Say no. Say no to your monster. Say no to the things that do not bring you alive, that do not bring out your best. Say no to anything that does not love and exalt you. Love makes us our most expansive, brilliant, generous, best selves.
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And love starts with loving yourself. Share your thoughts below. Keep an eye out for my interview with Serena on the Amazing Women of Influence podcast! Check out my special offer for the AWEN tribe. So I suggest we make money a person. The money always follows love and trust.
As he told me how to drive to his place, my suspicion only grew, because he was directing me to my own apartment. It turned out he lived right across the street from my building, a fact neither of us had known when we met a few hours earlier.
The X-Files: Gillian Anderson reveals regret at putting love first
To uncover our differences, I spent the week answering every question he had answered on OkCupid, but I only found more similarities. I had to supply my answers before I could see his, but one after another, our answers were identical. We met the next weekend for dinner, where I spent five hours looking for reasons to vehemently disagree with him on something, anything. My idea of a successful relationship had been that of a Venn diagram with a healthy intersection, not two mostly overlapping circles, and that the best match was one in which you complemented, not replicated, each other.
Perhaps I was missing something.
In software development, you sometimes intentionally push the boundaries to see if a system breaks. He was game, so we spent the next 30 minutes discussing details.
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In essence, we wanted to try to create the environment of a decades-long marriage to see how well our relationship might hold up. He would move in with me for four weeks, during which time we would go about our lives without any facade: avoiding romance and doing nothing to try to impress the other person, while being vocal about disagreements and upfront about our inadequacies. In addition, we created exit criteria. With our terms agreed upon, he moved in the next day it was quite convenient that he was already my neighbor , and our test began.
But what about hairy legs? That I could do. If I lived with someone for five years or even five months , there would be plenty of times when he would have to deal with my not-so-smooth legs. Then I wandered around the living room where he was crouched at the desk working on his laptop. Just like that, he made the obligatory nuisance of shaving in winter a thing of the past.
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